Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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