like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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