Can i not drive my cunt home
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
