Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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