I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
