In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
