That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
