How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
