You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
