fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize