handjob tips. give me some.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
