Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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