it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
