you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
