Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
