Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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