I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
