i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
