Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
