i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
