I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
