my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
