I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
