I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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