dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
