but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
