He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
