Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
