i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
