what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
