He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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