But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
