im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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