I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
where are you?
Hypothermia
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
