i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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