Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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