Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
