Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
