When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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