i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
