I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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