plz talk dirty to me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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