An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
