Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Randomize