I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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