why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
