It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
