i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
