it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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