UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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