where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
