Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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