did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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