allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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