So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
