Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
