You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
