Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize