when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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