Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize