Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have already put on my inside pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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