1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
