I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
