i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
