He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
