at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
