hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
