We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
