I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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