Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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