I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize