ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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