Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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