i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
