he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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